Better and better

Jett is 3 months over a year now (almost 1 yr, 4 mo), and he's a great little helper, companion, entertainer, hugger and dancer. He makes us laugh! Which is phenomenal since he was making me cry this time last year...It's really just so incredibly astounding how much things can change. Lessons learned in the past two months: don't get too comfy with routine because something always changes. And also, if you don't like a particularly stage in infancy, just hold out for the next one and you'll get to one eventually that you can handle. It's hard to hold out when the stages trying to kill you seem to last for forever x infinity, but the next stage does eventually come.

I think I like this current stage so much because a) we can communicate pretty effectively with Jett (and he to us), and b) we've got a nice little routine going and he's rather predictable in his daily schedule. On weekdays, he gets up around 7:30, and I get him, change him, feed him, dress him, put his lunch and snacks together while he runs amok, get myself ready, nebulize him (for the winter months) and get out the door. We drive two miles to daycare while he flips through his book in the backseat of the car and he's typically very excited to be with his teachers and friends at daycare (he did go through a brief clingy-mommy period where he'd cry to see me leave, but I think he could care less about me now with the enticing toys and activities at school). He naps at school for two hours almost exactly every day. Kenny picks him up at 5:30 and, at home, it's a bit of a damage control situation for the next two hours til bedtime. Kenny tries to play and/or entertain Jett for the first half hour, then dinner, then playtime with mommy, then bath time. We drink some milk, brush our teeth, read a story in the rocker in his room and then put him down in his crib to sleep between 7:30 and 8 pm. He's not been as complacent with this last action as of late (cries for me from his crib), which we think is because he's sooo very wound up before bed, and often overtired, and it's sometimes extremely difficult to hit this kid's off switch. Even when he complies and resigns his fate to bed, we can still hear him WWF-wrestling in his crib, probably body-slamming his stuffed animals. That thumping goes on for probably 20 minutes and then silent. He wakes up again between 11 and 12 for ibuprofen (currently teething) and still once or twice a week wakes up at another point in the night (we think he's having bad dreams already because he wakes up screaming in a panic - poor kiddo).

On the weekends, it's pretty much the same schedule except that he sleeps for four hours instead of two, which we'd prefer because he's SUCH a crankasaurus by the time he gets home from school with only one nap. This kid needs a ton of sleep. While it's somewhat inconvenient for him to need two naps on the weekends, it's so much better when he gets them. And if he's still sleeping that long, then so be it. It'll be interesting to see when he gives up the double-naps (like most kids have already done by his age...)

Notable behavior and/or physical changes:
1. Jett is extremely into hugging right now. After speaking with a neighbor, it would appear that this is a phase that Jett is going through, which is unfortunate because it's really endearing. Every morning, Jett hugs Cash (and kudos to Cash for trying to grin and bear this, after the first couple of attempts and finally realizing that Jett meant him no harm). He hugs cards or magazines or books with pictures of things he likes (mainly, cats and dogs). He runs and hugs me at the knees every so often in the middle of playtime. He hugs other kids/babies. He is just a friggin' sweetheart and I love the hugs. Cash - not so much. But it does make me sad that this is fleeting. I'm going to try to get as many hugs in now as possible!

2. Who knew Jett was paying so much attention to the random day-to-day things he sees Kenny and I do? Well, we know now and Jett mimics a ton of those actions. He wants to remove the safety cap in the outlet socket and plug his nebulizer in by himself (nice). He wants to close the dishwasher soap dispenser lid, press the start button on the door's hidden panel, and close the machine. He wants to scroll through iPhone pictures on his own and not with mommy's help (he can already flip from one picture to the next just sliding his index finger - craziness). He wants to fill cups with water from the Sparklett's water dispenser. He tries to make the same noises as us (I was reading about bees making a "buzz" sound and he was blowing raspberries trying to "buzz") and tries to mimic our playing styles (he was holding his stuffed animal horse, tracing a track around the top of his crib, which is what I do for him every morning with "klop, klop, klop" noises). He knows how to open dresser drawers and tries to reach for door knobs (though constantly pushes the door closed on us, "locking" us out, which he thinks is funny). Oh and, not only does his know Cash's name, but he's also recognized that Cash looks like a certain type of dog. He's pointed to magnets of a beagle and said "Cah" (his version of Cash). He's also identified Cash on a card GG sent which had a kitten and a basset hound puppy on the front. Close enough - but amazing that he put the two together.
3. Jett's dance moves are improving. Instead of bobbing and turning, he's incorporated hand flailing now as well. So adorable.

4. Jett doesn't like having things taken away from him. I've tried coaxing, "Jett, please give that to mommy," "Please drop that," "Don't touch that please," and it's not really hitting home with words alone. He's not interested in giving up something he finds fascinating, no matter how sweetly mommy asks. So, I still say please, but I just take it away now. And he WAILS. And it's fazing me less and less. I now understand why parents seem more prepared for the second kid - they truly know what to expect and have a variety of previously-vetted coping methods. That small comfort still isn't enough to make us want to have another kid, but I understand where others are coming from on this.
5. I think Jett's up to 10 teeth. I think. They're coming more rapidly now (FINALLY), which is okay with me. I'd rather have him in pain for two weeks getting four teeth, rather than two weeks for one tooth each as they come in singularly. I'll be excited when his molars come in and we can call this teething chapter done!
6. Jett's hair is getting long. Someone addressed him as a girl about a month ago, which is about the time I finally caved to Kenny's request to trim him up a bit. It's not that I didn't want to cut his precious baby hair - I just was hoping as it grew out a little more, it'd stop looking like Florence Henderson's hairstyle on the Brady Bunch. Bob on top, flipped out part at the neck. So I tried to wrestle Jett to stay still for 6 seconds one morning before school and trimmed his hair at the neck line. It's still shaggy, but no longer a mullet. It's also still light and very straight, just like Kenny's at this age. And he's still got blue/green/gray eyes. So weird.

7. Jett's still eating well - fish, chicken, tofu, turkey (and a few bites of bacon Thanksgiving week), still tons of fruits, veggies and grains. He's stalled out on his weight (still 21/22 lbs), and still in 12 month clothing, though the shirt sleeves and pant legs are slowly getting shorter on him. I don't mind - we get to fully utilize his current (and growing) 12 - 18 mo wardrobe, and we haven't had to change diaper sizes in four months.

Jett's enjoying bath time more (staying in the tub for maybe six minutes now instead of three...), and is able to go on walks with me, though the cul-de-sac loop takes twenty minutes because of all the stopping and pointing and touching and poking and sitting and running in the wrong direction.
He can also hold Cash's leash, which impressed me until he kept intentionally letting go of the handle which, once on the ground, would retract into the back of Cash's hind legs. And Jett wonders why Cash dislikes him. Jett's coloring at school, and is significantly more interested in having books read to him. He's very curious, very social (per his teachers) and pretty alright at sharing (for as great a 16-mo-old can be at sharing). He's also extremely handsome and bright (per his mommy).

For every month older he gets, we enjoy this a little more. His sleeping habits could be better solidified, as is always the case, but maybe we'll just have to wait til that magical age of 2 where I hear kids most certainly sleep uninterruptedly for consecutive nights on a regular basis. Even with the night wakings, the tantrums, the crankiness (!!), he's amazing to have around. The true test was when Kenny left on business travel for two weeks in early November and I didn't lose my mind being a single parent for the duration. Not only did I not lose my mind, but I truly enjoyed Jett's company. He wasn't great the whole time, but I could very easily handle and get control of any crazy, anxiety-causing situations. And that feeling, that I've actually gained some wisdom and insight from all this trial-and-error experimentation, is just so, so very satisfying.

I could see this working out

I am truly, madly, deeply in love with Jett right now. He is just great. I was thinking on the way home from work today that maybe we had to go through that first miserable period to fully appreciate just how perfect things are at 1+. He's just so easy right now! And not to be a pessimist but...well, it just doesn't feel like we should have it this good. The kid sleeps without coaxing, eats extremely well, and now, somehow, we're even off bottles. I don't get it. I feel like this may be a calm before a storm...or, Jett just hated being an infant and everything else will be a cakewalk :)

But yeah. I just adore him. I tiptoe into his room every night right before Kenny and I turn in for the evening, just to peek on him and make sure he's still breathing (Kenny thinks I'm insane for doing this, but I can't fall asleep without this last, albeit paranoid, check). And I want to cry almost every night. I just look at his sweet, round face and his pouty little lips and his comically-contorted body position and I want to crawl in with him and cuddle all night. I've said it before: I feel like I might have come late to this "mother-loves-baby" party. But I'm here and it absolutely floors me at moments. I realize my life is so much greater for having Jett in it, and I completely understand this unconditional love thing. Granted, I have yet to worry myself sick after he's broken curfew and stayed out too late or gotten himself arrested for underage drinking with hooligan friends...but for now, he's just a sweet, sweet baby and the apple of my eye.

In general, I'm feeling better, mentally and emotionally. I'd actually started seeing a therapist, which I should have started doing 13 months ago. As I look back, I totally had post-partum. Which was not awesome. And for me, I'm STILL trying to reconcile the guilt of all that. But anyway - doing so much better now and feeling rather normal! I still can't handle stress like I used to - I get overwhelmed extremely easily and frustration levels are through the roof almost instantly, but it's better than it was, with continued progress. Now that Jett's a model baby, the stress of motherhood has eased 10-fold. But then I just find something else I can immerse myself in and stress about, like work...sigh!

Routine helps. Routine is great. Kenny and I are going to try to take advantage of the upcoming fall weather and get outside for some physical activity. I am back to running and Kenny's back on his bike, and Jett can come with both of us by way of jogging stroller and bike caddy (when we get one...) Jett loves to be outdoors (what kid doesn't?!) and we do our cool-down period by walking Cash the dog around the cul-de-sac. Jett's so close to being able to actually participate in a walk without intervention. Right now, he's far too distracted and would be content playing in the driveway for an hour and not actually going anywhere. We do this too - collecting acorns and leaves and sticks from the driveway in our bucket, and then dumping them out. Over and over. I'm still fascinated that he gets the concept of collection. And that he really does understand what we're saying, pretty fully.

He's been clapping more. Where other kids have been clapping for several months now, he's just found this skill and enjoys clapping for his achievements. Kenny and I will get a random round of applause when he deems our efforts significant...which is adorable. Most recently, he claps for himself when he turns on or off a light switch. Or when he's asked to throw something away and successfully and giddily completes. He's just too friggin cute.

He talks a lot, but no legit words. That's fine by me because he's rather good at conveying his desires through other means. I felt bad that we got lazy and neglected to follow through on the baby sign language efforts, but it might not be detrimental after all. Between his mini temper tantrums ("I don't like this") and pointing ("I want that") and clapping ("I like that"), it's a pretty effective communication setup we've got.

Jett's also started feeding himself. He gets steel cut oats with strawberries and cinnamon most mornings, and I have to spoon-feed it to him. This is pretty much his only meal that requires a spoon anymore. And he's become extremely interested in scooping out his own spoonful of oatmeal, and directing it back to his mouth. It's a terribly messy ordeal, and molasses slow at times, but we're working on it. And he likes to drink from a cup, but I foresee sippy cups for a long while into the future until he can get a good deal of control on the cup tilting action.

Still the same: Jett is still not a big fan of bathtime, as it restricts his ability to wander. He seems excited enough watching the bath fill up from the faucet, and enjoys bathing for about 3-5 minutes playing with his toys. Then he remembers that there are hallways to run and stuff to pull off nightstands and instantly has no further patience for getting clean. He's still highly inconvenienced by diaper changes and loathes the changing table and laying still on his back for longer than 6 seconds. He's still in a rear-facing position in the carseat, for now. He braces his feet on the back of the seat and rocks his chair back, trying to push off. I'm already looking forward to riding with him front-facing with a portable DVD player keeping him entertained and quiet so we can be in the car for longer than 20 minutes without him screaming at us to let him free. Really, he just doesn't like any activity that requires him to stay put in one spot. But we knew this was coming, with a Kenny Jr on our hands...

So Jett's great. Kenny and I are well-rested and even get to indulge in things like reading, and housekeeping...We're quite a functioning and contented 3-man team.

I can't believe we made it to 1 year

What we've learned in the past couple of months:
1. Rearing a baby does actually get better. When we were trying to function without sleep and feeling like absolute failures as parents as all parenting attempts seemed futile, it felt like that mess might last forever. And who knew? It doesn't! Not that it's all roses right now, but it's better.

Which leads to point 2. We're still not ready to start discussing a sibling for Jett. Another year, or two, or twenty may need to go by so that the trauma of the infant years may be forgotten...

3. Watching your kid grow up in front of you, even gaining the most insignificant of abilities (like being able to throw away anything [and everything] into the nearest trash bin), never gets old. I could talk your ear off about how Jett deliberately pushes buttons now, or how he likes to pick up and move his blocks back and forth between rooms, and I'm just amazed. The fact that he just started babbling, incessantly, blows my mind. People with kids seem unimpressed, while I feel slightly embarrassed discussing with my non-parent friends like they might think I'd lost my mind with how genuinely excited I got about my son's ability to point. But it's still the coolest thing. Because Jett started out as an immobile, blinking bump on a log, it really is quite impressive that he can walk and talk and take action on thoughts now.

4. Traveling is no bueno with a 1 -year-old. I would highly advise against it, if you have the option to remain home. Jett traveled well earlier in life when he would wake only to eat, and was easy to feed, lull to sleep, and restrain. Now, he is much too interested in everything going on on a plane, much too stimulated to sleep and much too excited to sit still. And long-distance car trips could potentially be successful, if timed right and the stars have aligned so that my child may actually want to sleep in a car for any period of time...

5. Jett is a good baby. Now. We're stoked that he still eats like a machine and doesn't seem to be particularly picky about any food (even likes pickles, mushrooms and blue cheese). We're grateful that he's been sleeping through the night for the last few months. And we're feeling extremely fortunate that, while he may track me through the house or stand, pressed against the back of my calves, wailing for my attention, he does tend to play for a good deal of time by himself. He busies himself with moving his toys around the house or trying to open and close lids and doors, and only after some time does he seek us out or cry to be held. I feel like we have it really good right now with this kid. For at least the 60% of the time that he's not a whiny crankasaurus due to teething...

6. Babysitters are worth getting a second job. I've not obtained a second job, but it would be worth it to be able to go out as desired and just get out of the house while a babysitter monitors our sleeping babe. Jett can go to dinner with us, and he's really good at restaurant outings, but only if dinner is 60-90 minutes prior to his bedtime. Which means we're eating dinner at 5:30 on occasion. Much easier to feed him, greet the babysitter and have her put him to bed, and be out of the house at 7 for our own, adult dinner and any after dinner plans we wish to get to. My mother has said that she didn't have children to leave them behind. And I totally agree. Jett is pretty portable still (for local events!) and great in public, but when he goes to bed at 7...his evening social schedule is hard to work in. Our new, down-the-street babysitter allows us a bit of pre-child normalcy where Kenny and I can get out and socialize, spending some valuable and much-needed time just hanging out with each other. We're better parents for it. I just wish I had more money with which to lavish her with gifts so that she knows just how much we appreciate the opportunities she affords. Normalcy!!

7. It is not the stuff of TV commercials or sitcoms that grown adults wake up singing the theme song to "Wonder Pets" or realize they've been watching "Yo Gabba Gabba" for a half hour, even after the baby has gone to sleep. I've not been devastated by this, but it is a little sad that the kid show songs are so pervasive that I sometimes can't even remember an age-appropriate favored iPod song with which to replace the cartoon tune. I was commenting to my brother today that, pervasive or not, at least the Nick Jr programming is watchable, in comparison with what we used to watch as toddlers. I tried to watch The Smurfs a few months ago and it was dreadful. He-man, Scooby Do, all of it - terrible animation, awful dialogue, just bad.

8. Goals are more important to me with a kid in tow. I've never been as focused as I am now in trying to better myself. I want to work on my anxiety and frustration; I want to succeed more at work and improve my career; I want to get back to volunteering and donate to charities on a regular basis; I want to go back to school and read more; I want to continue establishing good eating habits and adopt a consistent workout routine; I want to make myself a better person to be the best role model I can be. All these aspirations, now that I have no time for them!

Jett stats (mainly so I can document this for future reference, as we're bad parents and aren't documenting his infancy in any other form):
1 year, 21 lbs, 29 inches, ranging between the 25th and 50th percentile for both height and weight (no surprise there). He started walking just before 12 months; skill mastered between CA and NM b-day celebration trip. Just today, he realized he could lift the toilet lid to put things in the bowl. Already likes to unwind the toilet paper roll and toss toys in the kitchen trash can. Says "Mom-mom" and variations of "Dad," indiscriminately. My mom and sister swear he said "Kitty" when out in CA. Otherwise, he just babbles. A lot. He may very well be saying actual words but there's no connection yet with the actual objects or actions. He also just learned to clap and it's all he does now. We've moved him to all sippy-cup drinking, except for one night bottle, and phasing formula out until our supply is exhausted. He mostly feeds himself, with finger foods. Favorite food would be berries - blackberries, blueberries, strawberries. Is also a pretty big fan of fish sticks. HATES the word "no" and melts down immediately (the beginnings of temper tantrums) to show his disagreement with our assessment of the situation. As my son, there was a good chance he'd be prone to frustration and that's shining through - we had to remove the triangle and rectangle shapes from the shape-sorter bath toy because he got really pissed off the other night that neither would fit as the circle did through the circular hole. He's also got allergies - so there are my contributions... His hair keeps getting lighter, he loves to be outside, and has only just recently warmed up to taking baths (has no patience to sit still in the tub and is constantly trying to stand up and walk around). Cash is more wary of him now that he's a walking threat but Jett absolutely adores Cash and tries to give his toys to him and giggles when he thinks Cash might be chasing him (which is never the case; Cash would rather hide).

All is well, for now!

10 months!

Jett is 10 months old today and it makes me want to celebrate. Those first several months are behind us! We have predictability and communication to look forward to. I can't believe we made it through to 10 months. Seems like it's been 10 years...

So Jett got sick in May - quite sick - and we ended up switching daycare centers to aid in maintaining health. We miss Nanny Jamie something awful, and it really hit home when Jett caught a cold his first week back at his old center, and then caught a stomach virus the next week, which led to a lot of vomiting, diarrhea, high fevers and a last minute trip to the ER for fluids. And all with Kenny on business travel! Ugh. But we made it through. First stomach flu - first trip to the ER (Jett's now a registered patient at the local hospital, for future visits...) - first mommy-dealing-with-multiple-IV-attempt-puncture-wounds-in-her-baby - and now we're in a new daycare.

The new daycare is a local, non-commercial (small) facility right down the road. We opted to try this out vs going back to a nanny, and it's working so far because Jett's currently the only kid in the center's infant room (out of 8 potential spots). He can't very well get sick from other kids if there aren't any...and even when some new children start, it'll be a much better germ ratio over the 12 kids he was exposed to in his previous daycare center.

So Jett is currently healthy and a pretty happy little kid. He was down in weight from his bout with the stomach flu, and he didn't really have any extra weight to lose (being scrawny already), so we focused on trying to plump him up a bit. This has been a rather easy task - the kid loves to eat. I fear though that I might be setting myself up for disappointment. My mom told me I used to eat anything and everything as a baby, and I'm now the pickiest adult. So we'll see with Jett. But so far, he really does love to eat. And now that he's got a nice set of teeth (two upper front, two bottom front), he can chomp down on little pieces of things; we don't have to puree everything anymore. He likes texture, flavor, everything and can't get enough. Today alone he had sweet potato puree, mixed veggie puree, coconut water (he won't drink regular water), broccoli and mashed potato puree, shredded chicken, strawberries, freeze dried strawberries and bananas, tomato, beans, carrots, celery, apple, grapes, and soy yogurt. Oh, and Puffs. Never a day without Puffs...but man, can this child eat. If he's fussy, it's either because he's tired or hungry. And when he's not asleep, he does seem to be hungry...

We think Jett might just have gone through a growth spurt. As of last week, he just looks bigger. And he gained two pounds (from his ER weight) and is currently at 18 lbs 3+ oz. He actually looks like he might grow out of his infant car seat someday soon. Just add that to the list of neverending things to buy for a kid. Just bought him an activity walker thing that he can push around and maybe get more comfortable walking, just bought a top-of-the-stairs baby gate (should have done this a while ago), more socks since his feet look like little sausages (the only thing that seems to be gaining weight on his body), a Pack n' Play (again, a much delayed purchase), and better cabinet locks. And monthly diaper and formula deliveries. Thank God for Amazon and their reviews, pricing and 2-day shipping.

So I'm really excited about this upcoming month. I feel like we hit our stride in May (after the illness ordeals) and it's helpful that Jett's more predictable, sleeps better (though I can't comment on this further because every time I blog about his sleeping habits, he changes them almost immediately to spite me...) and eats table food. We've taken him out to several restaurants and he's perfect. We have his little travel chair and table mat and plenty of finger foods and as long as he's fed, he's behaving and mom and dad can eat their meals together as soon as the waiter brings them, like old times...I'm used to getting up at 7:30 now every morning (weekends included) and have become pretty good at making errand plans of which I can easily incorporate Jett - like Farmer's Market on Saturday mornings. He enjoys getting out of the house and he's a much more placated baby when he's busy observing people/things/places. Lately, he's been fascinated with children. If you're 4' tall or less, Jett wants to stare at you. Today at a doctor's office, he was craning his neck to watch this spastic little baby crawl around and do somersaults. One of the nurses commented that he was really intense in his observation. He just likes kids!

Again, 10 months seems to be a great, great place for us. Jett is happier, more aware, more mobile, just better. I am glad the first six months are over and done with!! Aye. It's been a long time coming. And to think, he'll be a year old in August. Only 20-some more to go after that...Is it bad to already be looking forward to retirement age without a kid around? Maybe a bit premature...

Two gripes: Speaking of my kids presence, I have officially been trained as a type of Pavlov's dog, now 10 months in. My son's cry triggers this stomach-drop thing - almost like you've just quickly driven over a steep hill in the road and your stomach dips. I hate it! I'm glad I can hear him - we could have the TV on, blaring, and I could still pick up a faint stirring from his room (no joke - Kenny and I alternate with this game - "Hey, mute it for a sec" - and sure enough, he's starting to wake/cry). We've long abandoned a baby monitor because of this. But with my very set sensitivity to his cry, there's a lot of false positives - I hear him in every squealing commercial, every show with a baby, every infant at the grocery store. And every time my brain processes a potential cry from Jett, my stomach drops. Perhaps that's no so maternal - thinking I hear my son and it triggers dread - but usually, if he's stirring/crying, he's waking from his nighttime slumber and it just means exhaustion, irritation and sure, dreading it all. The circumstances aren't so much the case anymore but still - I've apparently already been hardwired. Speaking of sleeping, this is something every new parent should have: http://amzn.com/1617750255 SO TRUE!

Last gripe: Breasts. This is probably too much information for my male audience (if anyone still reads this), but it's come to my attention recently in reading through some forums that many women LOSE a cup size after pregnancy, from breastfeeding. This is my own personal situation - I was slight-framed to begin with, but even more so now. But I wasn't prepared for this. I'd heard, if anything, that a woman could GAIN a cup size post-pregnancy, having kept some of the girth they'd grown in swelling for lactation. Or maybe I had heard that you could end up smaller and just shoved that out of my brain since I was already small and there was no way I could end up with less... Maybe this isn't a highly-shared tidbit because the books don't want to list a potentially discouraging downside to breastfeeding. Whatever the case, I'm kinda irked that I wasn't better prepared. Now I know for next time....sike!

So far, so good - April

The month started out with a visit from my parents. The weather could have been better (or at least more consistent), but everything else went extremely well. We got out for some all day trips to local attractions and Jett remained a happy baby throughout. It was excellent! And he'd just gotten the hang of crawling and started pulling himself up on the furniture and was very mobile and squawky for mom and dad. We enjoyed having them and they enjoyed their time with Jett!

Jett's still sleeping pretty consistently, though he does appear to be on his second round of serious teething and wakes once or twice a night for some Tylenol. He sleeps through the night about once a week, and has to have a bottle to go back to sleep once or twice a week. Whatever the case, we're happy to have any amount of sleep! We're actually functioning like normal people...

So Jett's super mobile right now, which is troublesome because he's getting into things, but great as he's able to entertain himself a bit and interact with us even more. We've relinquished the tupperware cabinet to him which keeps him busy in the kitchen. He's constantly pulling books off the bookshelves in his play room and gets frustrated that he can't pull himself up onto the ottoman. He loves the shoes we leave by the garage door and attempts to suck on the toes when my back is turned...he's also eaten some dog food kibble, thoroughly enjoys the feeling of his wiggling fingers in Cash's water bowl and changes the channel on a frequent basis as the remote is now one of his favorite toys with its light-up buttons (though he bores quickly with the iPhone we've handed down to him with kid-friendly videos...). He's also fascinated with power cords, the gross water pan under the plant in the dining room, and really, anything dirty and germy and perfectly sized for his mouth. And we're having a lot of fun with this :)

It turns out that not all 7-8 month-olds are this mobile. We had two other babies over this past weekend (one older, one younger) and not only are they not moving yet, but they're a lot bigger than Jett. These two may correlate though. The pediatrician suggested that he was able to move as much because he was so trim. I think he may be staying so trim because he's expending so much energy, which is in his genes. You look at any picture of young Kenny and he's a stick in motion. And we've been feeding him plenty...we're still making his food and he gets about six ounces of veggies & rice cereal, 3 x a day, with snacks of frozen fruit or frozen bagels, formula bottles and water in his sippy cup (which he finally figured out how to drink from). He's able to hold his bottle which is AWESOME - we can strap him into his bouncy chair, give him his bottle and let him be while I finish getting ready for work in the morning.

So anyway, it's a good thing he's as mobile as he is because he has to go back to daycare and the only spot available at the last minute is in the Infant II room as the Infant I room (his former classroom) is completely full - we anticipated this. The Infant II room is for babies that can crawl and feed themselves. Lucky for us, he fits the criteria, even though he'll still be a month shy of the minimum age...but, because we've already established a relationship with the school, and they have an open spot and are missing out on our money...we're getting an exception granted and Jett gets to hang out with the big kids. Really though, there's no way he'd be content in the Infant I room. My friend Kate was over last Friday with her 2-month-old daughter Audrey and all Jett wanted to do was grab at her and climb over her and he was kind of a hazard as she couldn't really deflect his advances...so, he may be the runt of the room, but hopefully he'll keep up!

Jett will be back in daycare starting in May as Nanny Jamie has been offered a desk-job in DC. She'd applied for this job back when she was applying for our nanny position and was told that the job had been filled with an internal applicant. Apparently, this internal applicant didn't work out and the job is now open again and she was their runner-up candidate. She went to school for business and this is on track with her future career goals and I know the importance of getting on a good career track, working in HR. So, we're happy for her as she's great and deserves great things, but sad and disappointed that we couldn't retain her for the full six-month contract, or even have the opportunity to extend her time with Jett into next year. With a short window of time to arrange an alternate care situation, we feel very fortunate that Jett's former daycare has this open spot. We stressed about figuring out what to do for only one day, and we're all situated now. We weren't sure we could interview and hire a replacement nanny in time, and thought we might give school a try again. Cold and flu season has ended and Jett's older and stronger now so hopefully he won't be steam rolled by repeat illnesses in the communal setting again. We'll see! We've always got the option to pull him out again and situate a second nanny if needed. I'd really like to see daycare work out though - as much as I'm going to miss the personalized care for Jett, housekeeping, and utter convenience of a nanny, I really like the daycare and want him to benefit from the curriculum, hanging out with other kids, and it's definitely a better deal financially...

April's been great so far and we're hoping our luck holds out to May, 9-months, and beyond :)

The best birthday ever

My endocrynologist recently confirmed that my thyroid levels are significantly low, again, and that I should get back on the medication regimen which should help my mood swings. I've not been feeling out-of-control lately, but I do still run the gamut of extreme emotions (just a bit less vocally). I was rearranging our bookshelf (removing books from the bottom tier to keep out of Jett's prying hands) and was collecting all of my pregnancy books for storage - but not before skimming the last chapters that might now apply to me, post-delivery. I was almost in tears of anger when I re-read some of my Ina May's "Natural Childbirth" book about how a laboring woman can pretty much affect her emotional and physical state during labor for a relatively painless experience - without drugs. What BS. And I was almost in tears because I was taking personal offense that my natural labor wasn't enough - that I shouldn't have been screaming for the duration of it. So, I'm still a bit sensitive, and randomly, and needlessly. (I felt also an extreme wave of guilt in perusing another book about how working moms were able to hang in there and breastfeed for 12 months, 18 months, 20 months, and I lasted not even 6...) Ech.

Anyway...point of the set-up above is to admit that I'm still super emotional. But with these emotional extremes, the good feelings are just as overwhelming. So when I say I love my son, I LOVE my son. I nearly want to cry about it (okay, not "nearly" - there may be one or two actual tears...). I feel so cliche' but it's absolutely the way I feel; my heart is so completely full with seemingly tangible love for this precious, gorgeous, perfect, little man. I pull up his Google pictures a few times a day and just stare at him, even though there are already pictures at my desk, on my computer, on my phone. It's like I can't get enough of him, like I'm addicted to him. I'm shaking my head right now at my inability to accurately capture in words how I love him. So cheesy...but I adore him. My birthday is on Monday (a Monday!) and I have a vendor dinner to go to that night so I won't even get to celebrate properly - or hang out with my son before he retires for the evening - and it's my official "on-notice" birthday to 30, but it'll be the best birthday ever because my life now is so very enriched because Jett is a part of it. I know, I know... could I be any more of a stereotypical baby mom? but I'm emotional and I can't help talking about how friggin' in love I am...

I feel like I've joined the game a little late - other friends are already madly, insanely in love with their 2-month-olds. I'm not feeling guilty about it; I was dealing with my own issues. I'm just grateful to be just happily in love and have the blues officially behind me.

Everything seems to be falling into place, and not just on the emotional front. I'm starting to get my regular routine back, which is a huge emotional/mental boost. Work is going well and I love that I can balance work and "life" without feeling guilty or making unwanted sacrifices in one or the other. Having Jamie Nanny in place makes me feel like I'm doing the absolute best where Jett's daily care is concerned, while still tending to my needs to be back in an office-setting, surrounding by adult colleagues. I'm also able to clean the house and do grocery shopping on a regular schedule, and I'm about to start getting back to the gym this week - I'm ecstatic to have some semblance of my old routine back. And we're able to go out to restaurants, to social events, to hang out with friends, and as long as we're prepared, Jett is easily and happily transported. He's truly now an enhancement to my life as we're pretty much able to do everything we used to do, but we get to bring him along for the ride. I'm already anxious for the days when he's older and I can't just strap him to my chest or in the carseat and transport him as easily/quickly/efficiently.

Quick Jett update: He's half-crawling, half-creeping still. I believe he's still creeping and not full-out crawling because of the hardwood floors. In his cotton pants, his knees have no grip on the slick floor, but he very easily glides across the wood on his belly. He seems to crawl more when he's upstairs on carpeted areas and there's a little bit of friction to keep his knees from sliding out from under him. He also seems to be chatting us up more frequently, and he's on his second tooth (he's got a bottom set now). Maybe it's just in my head but I also think that now that this second tooth has finally broken the surface, he doesn't seem to be in as much or as frequent pain (no constant Tylenol dosing...) His nap and bedtime sleep routine are still solid, with a standard, but brief once-per-night waking. He's been putting himself back to sleep when stirring, but he has developed a knack for kneeling, which is interfering with his ability to put himself to sleep when we put him down (sleepy, but awake) for naps. Nanny Jamie relayed to us that when she'd check in on him, he seemed to pop up on his knees and smile as though they were playing a game, and not tending to nap time...oh well. Everything else is going well. He's still eating well (we introduced meat - poultry - last week) and he laughs and seems to like hanging out with us.

At almost-29, life is good.

My oh my

Gonna make this a quick blog as it's late and I should be utilizing wisely the sleep time I have while my son slumbers.

1. Jett's sleeping on a fairly regular and uninterrupted schedule. He's been waking rather frequently the last week due to teething pain but I get up, pop the medicine pacifier in his mouth with a dose of Tylenol and five minutes later, he's out again. I don't even take him out of the crib.

2. Jett's first tooth made an appearance last weekend. It's one of his front teeth - bottom right (when facing him). I was sort of impressed that an actual tooth materialized because we've been in this "teething" stage for like four months now...

3. Jett is a wild, mobile man. He's on the verge of a legitimate crawl (takes a few wobbly steps forward til he twists onto his side into an almost-sitting position) and is quite efficient at the army crawl (creeping) in the meantime. When I come home and he spots me, he smiles and races over to me as fast as the creeping will allow. I ADORE this. And when he's feeling neglected in his play room and I'm in the kitchen making his breakfast or a bottle, he can come find me on his own accord. I'm sure I'll be ruing the day he became mobile but for now, it's perfectly wonderful.

That's the quick update. Check Jett out on YouTube! http://www.youtube.com/user/kdotdiddy

Creepster

Jett is officially mobile now, if only in a rather inefficient, inconsistent sort of way. You can put him on one side of the mat and sit on the other with a favored toy and he will wiggle, roll and creep over to you. It's fantastic to watch him develop like this - I'm thoroughly fascinated and impressed! On this mobility front, he's got his knees tucked under him and he can get up on his forearms and can even do both together, but he relies too much on one side's strength and ends up rolling over quite frequently as he only pushes off with one side. His most effective move is the boot camp crawl - like I've seen in combat movies, he relies solely on his forearms to propel himself forward and drags his legs behind (as if dodging bullets overhead). Nanny Jamie actually thought he was about to crawl earlier this week and was panicking that she didn't have her phone nearby to document the momentous occasion :) So while we're super excited that he's on the verge of some major moving, we're now tasked with reassessing our house layout, our furniture selections, our time management to ensure adequate supervision for this wee one when he formally discovers crawling...

Jett is also eating well. He's come to anticipate the feeding routine and his mouth pops open the moment you stick him in the highchair; he's rather impatient... We've done peas, carrots, sweet potatoes, butternut squash, apples, bananas and blueberries (some pureed in combos). So far, everything has been happily digested, save for peas. I'm curious to see how he tolerates other green veggies, since we've only tried the one so far...next up is broccoli, cauliflower, avocado and maybe peaches. Not that I deserve it with as picky as I am, but it would be wonderful to have a non-discriminating eater for a child. We'll see!

I don't even want to mention this for fear of jinxing myself as I did the last time I mentioned it, but...Jett has been somewhat predictable with his sleep patterns - at least THIS week. Last week was another story. I ended up calling quite a few people to vent about being a mom to a non-sleeping child and even ended up in a counselor's chair because I just felt so out of control with frustration/rage/depression/you-name-it. For one reason or another, his actions last week served as the straw that broke the camel's back. Jett didn't sleep well at all two weekends ago and last Monday and Tuesday were especially rough - he was up every single hour between 7 pm and 2 am one night and 4 times the other. And fussy and difficult while awake. It was just rough, and especially so because we'd thought we'd gotten to a much better place - at least to where he'd wake up only a few times - NOT seven. It was as though he were 3 months old again...but he's six months and we were looking forward to some of the "sleep maturity" this age is supposed to bring. "Sleep maturity" for us means he's old enough now to "cry it out" without fear of breaking that special trust bond or whatever the books say is the reason we can't do this earlier. And honestly, I don't feel all that guilty listening to him cry - I mean, it does work. He never cries for too long (25-30 minutes at most) and he does put himself to sleep and it spares us from getting frustrated while he's 100% awake in our arms enjoying the extra 1 am attention when he should be learning to sleep....I started to write two blog entries on last week's events and emotions and I sound crazy and weak and whiny and I've decided to mention it in this one paragraph and move on!

Anyway, we're in a much better spot this week as he's going to bed pretty easily and we've got the tear-free routine down. He did wake up last night around 11 after going down at 7:30, and was rather up and alert. And we let him cry, because it was bedtime and our brief intervention attempts proved worthless. But it's hard to let him cry it out at night to go back to sleep because he's right next to our bedroom and we're not gaining any sleep time back by not personally attending to him and we're BOTH kept awake for the 30-60 minute period (he falls asleep for a little while, then wakes, cries, and starts over...) and Kenny's got to get up before dawn so I just hope he doesn't wake more frequently and that these occurrences are rare. He did wake up again at 4 am to eat (he wakes either at 1 or 4 - this week at least - to eat) but the feedings are quick and painless and I can do them half asleep anyway.

So the sleep thing is a mixed bag. I'm trying to be more pessimistic; if I start to think we're making strides on this front, fate tries to spite us I think and that's when Jett slumbers very little. But I'm a pretty happy, if naive optimist by nature and it's hard to consider (or rather, expect) that Jett's sleep schedule will alternate weekly between hell-on-earth and wonderful. The level of flexibility this job requires...it's rough!!

But things are good this week and he's a sweetheart (when not sleep-deprived) and I adore him. He's so sweet when he lays on my chest and tries to eat my nose with his gummy, smiling, slimy little mouth and when he's so happy to see me when I get home from work and it's really good being a mom sometimes :)

Too old to party all night (and too old to sell to the gypsies)

We've been trying, in vain, to convince Jett that at six months, he's far too old to continue waking multiple times each night. But our lecture, like many future ones to come, have fallen on deaf ears. While Jett has progressed on track with his six month milestones and is growing and maturing as expected (as anticipated!), we can't seem to get this sleep thing on track. And this single issue, during the nighttime hours, tends to overshadow his daytime accomplishments.

I don't believe we're setting unreasonable expectations; I'd settle for a once-per-night waking and be happy with that! Of course, while we struggle with this, it seems like everyone else with babies his age (or younger...) have eradicated their sleeping issues by now. And yes, I feel like we've done a fairly admirable job in stretching our patience for five months, and if nothing else, I feel like we simply deserve a sleeping child...And we're not delusional; we didn't think that just because Jett turned six months old that he would magically begin sleeping through the night. But, we're back to the lousy sleep patterns of a four-month-old Jett. It's starting to look like only the odd-numbered months are the semi-successful ones where sleep in concerned.

It's just frustrating, SOO frustrating, when we make progress one month and lose it the next. We were warned that babies are inconsistent and as they grow, their routines change, and there'd be plenty of "one step forward, two steps back" kinds of situations. But I can't seem to get that reality to sink in. Early last month, Jett was going to sleep without too much of a struggle, sleeping soundly, waking only once, and only after we were afforded a good six-hour stretch of uninterrupted slumber ourselves. And I immediately bookmarked this progress in my brain and celebrated a new milestone that our son could sleep. Then we went to Albuquerque and screwed up his sleep schedule, and then he got an ear infection for our first week back home. But it's been a week since then and we were hoping to get at least a glimpse of the January sleep routine, which still has yet to materialize. So, we're back to reading books on how to get our child to sleep.

When we were at Jett's recent well-baby visit this week, his pediatrician seemed disappointed to hear that he wasn't sleeping well and recommended a book after reminding me how important sleep is for babies and their health. Well duh. Obviously, we're not intentionally keeping our child from his slumber. It just sort of pissed me off. Like, we're already struggling with this issue, and I don't need to feel even more incompetent in this arena. I know she meant well but this is turning out to be quite the sensitive issue in the Mikkalson household and I am having trouble keeping my despair at bay when the subject comes up.

This may all come off as a bit whiny and I feel that ultimately, I'm going to look back on these blogs and think that I was a bit melodramatic in my early struggles with parenthood. But right now, I need to vent, and this is how I feel. Miserable in my incompetence to get my son to sleep.

And yet again, motherhood is making me feel like a manic-depressive. I can't cuddle and kiss Jett enough in the daytime hours, and genuinely look forward to playtime and mealtime with him and making faces and blowing raspberries on his tummy to make him laugh. He's just so adorable in his babbling and his expressions and his energy for playing and eating. We love that he's growing up in front of us! There really is some sort of chemical/hormonal reaction occurring when I hold him close and I just close my eyes and smell him in all his baby glory. And then the sun goes down and I just have lost all ability to deal with anything frustrating. Which is another touchy subject. I've been rather irritable and bitchy lately, of which Kenny has been the sole beneficiary. Not that he's been getting much sleep himself, though he seems to function better while I am internally melting down. We're both quickly approaching utter burnout - I thought we'd be better positioned by now and it's a hard step backward when we'd gotten a sweet taste of normal sleep levels last month. We may have to rearrange the budget again to get our night nanny back on board if this sleeping thing doesn't get to a manageable point soon.

To end on a positive note: Jett's well-baby visit went well. He's almost current on his immunizations, and was impressing the pediatrician with his flipping ability and his ability to stand. He's 26 inches long now (which is exactly average for his age), and a svelt 15 lbs, 2 oz. Though that's 3-4 lbs less than a few of his girlfriends of the same age, doc said that he's healthy in his "fit" physique (Kenny's term). She also gave us the go-ahead to start feeding him more solids so that it's a 50/50 split between food and formula, and that he'll be eating solids 3 x day. We're excited for the next check-up!

I'm in love with my child

For all the the difficulty we've had with the first four months of child-rearing, things are actually starting to come together. And we're beginning to feel somewhat confident in our parenting skills, and I think Jett's starting to feel like a pretty happy little baby.

One such reason is that we all might be getting some rest. Jett began sleeping on a consistent schedule in January. Though still not sleeping through the night, he was waking only once, and routinely around 2 am. It was so I kind of anticipated his stirring at that hour, and he'd eat and go right back to sleep. A twenty-minute sacrifice in a 7-8 hour stretch of sleep came easy! His schedule's a bit off as of right now and he's waking more frequently than a newborn, but we're going to cut him some slack; we just got back from our trip to NM and his schedule and timezone are out of whack. Plus, he's got a brand new ear infection. Hopefully by the end of the week, he'll be back to predictable. I'm confident that more regular and peaceful slumber is just around the corner.

As Jett gets older, he continues to move more frequently. He was already kicking and flailing at 3 months, but at 5 months, he's a child in nonstop motion. His teachers at daycare, separate pediatricians, two nannies and countless family members/friends have commented on what a "wiggler" he is. Yes, Jett's a wiggler. And a mover, and a shaker, and a jumper and an incher and he just doesn't stop moving. Which may be why he's sort of plateaued weight-wise. He flails even as he's eating! He grabs for his toes and sways when on the changing table; he rolls over the moment you put him on the floor; he has to stand when in your lap; he goes to bed in one direction and ends up in another. Anyway, the prediction is that he'll be crawling here shortly and then running just a bit after that. No walking; just straight to running :) We're in the market now for some rather effective child-proofing kits...

Jett is now a formula-only baby. Though I lamented the end of breastfeeding initially, (my emotional bond with my baby), it worked out. I'm glad we lasted to nearly 6 months, because it really was the best thing for him, but it started to get rather tedious planning my days and nights around my pumping schedule - I started to loathe the sight of my little Medela backpack. And it has been very nice to be able to eat regular food again! When we were in Albuquerque visiting the family this week, it was absolutely wonderful to not only have access to some FANTASTIC Mexican food, but also to be able to eat it!! On my breastfeeding no-gas-for-the-baby diet restrictions, beans and cheese are out. Which pretty much means Mexican food is out. I also got to go out for a night on the town (see: dinner without our child) with the Jensens without factoring in equipment or time for pumping. On the downside...Jett's poo has gotten rather "fragrant" (the introduction of solid foods has contributed to this as well), and formula is rather expensive, considering that the alternative was completely FREE. I'm still glad to have my freedom from the pump and diet restrictions.

One of the best things about January has been Jett's appetite for solid food. He took to the spoon ridiculously quickly and is really enthusiastic about mealtime in general. He'll whine in between spoonfuls if I'm not readying the next dollop fast enough, and he keeps his mouth open like a little fish! Where I used to rather dread going home after work because it meant we were about to start our hours-long, futile sleep routine, I look forward to my evening return for Jett's dinnertime. When we were at the airport yesterday, I was eating a fruit cup with Jett strapped to my chest. While he was watching me raise the fork to my mouth with a grape, he was opening his mouth, ready to be fed. I adore this new-found interest. So Jett excels at eating, and I'm grateful for something easy!

So, with our trip to New Mexico this past weekend, Jett has now met all of our immediate family members - finally! We'd had to postpone our pre-Christmas visit last month when Jett got bronchiolitis. We're glad to have made the introductions (he was a peach!) and look forward to a return visit if Jett keeps being the perfect little traveler that he's been thus far. He seemed to start inching more while we were there, and is consistently holding the back of his hand to his temple with fingers outspread (as though to feign exhaustion in the most melodramatic fashion) while downing a bottle. It's rather funny.

Now that we're back home, we've got our nanny, Jamie, in place this week. Though we may never experience discretionary spending again (except for our son, of course), hiring a nanny has been a great decision for us. We really like Jamie, and really look forward to the personal, one-on-one attention Jett will be getting. She'll be able to help us establish predictable naptimes, familiarity with baby sign language, new food introductions and healthy eating habits, and more. Most importantly, we hope to get (and keep) Jett healthy which should be doable when we can control his environment's cleanliness and try to moderate the germ introductions (avoiding sick colleagues and friends to avoid bringing something home to him). We'll see! As a side benefit, I think Cash is ecstatic to have someone back home with him at all times during the day, like when I was on maternity leave. However, I think it just means that he's going to be really upset when we leave the house for weekend plans...

So all's rainbows and sunshine so far in 2011, and though I fear I may be jinxing myself having made that comment, I hope our fortune continues. We do feel so fortunate :)

Hash browns

Kenny and I were watching this program on TV last weekend, called Two Weeks in Hell. It's some military vetting camp, like boot camp x 1000. These guys were put through some ridiculous and arduous physical tasks, all day long, for two weeks straight. Participants got disqualified for either breaking the rules or not being able to complete the task and plenty are pulled from the competition for medical issues. On day one, one of the activities was rolling on the ground, which doesn't seem so bad except that they made these guys roll for hours, in the mud, rolling straight over slower competitors. One guy got pulled for having become disoriented - go figure - with all the rolling. When the medic asked him a test question, "Do you know where you are?" he replied, "hash browns."
This rather perfectly sums up how life with an infant goes most days. So sleep deprived with no sign of a consistent schedule from one week to the next, and still not quite sure what you're doing in general...I feel a bit disoriented most days. Ah, hash browns.

Luckily, things are getting better. We are settling into some semblance of routine, for our pre-daycare mornings with me and post-school evenings with Kenny. We've even managed to fit in regular spots for weekly doctor visits, which are still required as Jett is still constantly sick. He's gone from one cold to the next without reprieve and we're sending him now to daycare sick, because we can't stay home with him full-time, which is what would be required. That's why we have daycare - to watch our child while we work. But so far, we're paying for weeks of care we're not using, and other weeks of care for him to catch additional colds. I don't dislike the daycare he's at, and I'm not sure that there's much they can do to prevent the seemingly inevitable and unending spread of germs in such a communal setting, but it's just not working for us, not now.

We have moved forward with Plan B - hiring a nanny. We posted a job via a reputable nanny site on December 28th and by January 3rd, we'd had almost 30 applications. Somehow, we narrowed the list to three, corresponded and met in person, and have found a perfect caregiver for Jett named Jamie. She's a recent college grad and currently works at a commercial daycare facility like where Jett goes now, as a teacher's assistant. She starts February 1st and we feel really good about having secured the help. We also had a night nanny start earlier this month, which guarantees us one night a week of uninterrupted, blissfully restful and worry-free slumber. She shows up at 10 pm, we hand over the baby monitor and head to bed. Whenever Jett wakes during the night, night nanny is on it. She's even trying to sleep-train him a bit - trying to get him to go back to sleep with just tummy or back rubs vs being picked up and rocked for 20 minutes. Then she's gone at 6 am and we start our day, well-rested and happy with life!

I've determined that should we temporarily lose our minds and decide to expand our family (not likely...), the only way we'll make it through another newborn, in the absence of family, is by hiring a night nanny. I feel like our first three/four months could have gone so much better - I could have avoided needless 3 am breakdowns, intense frustration with my child when I've no patience left to spare - and if we did this again, we would do it with at least a couple of nights of help. I wish we could keep our night nanny for longer, but once the daytime nanny is on board, there's no more budget for night nanny. Oh well. Hopefully Jamie will help us establish a sleep schedule with Jett and he'll be older and more mature next month anyway :) so maybe he'll just figure it out on his own.

Sleep is actually not the sensitive topic it used to be in this house. Within the past two weeks, Jett's somehow figured out that he can pass out on his own in anticipation of bedtime, vs giving us a run for our money trying to rock or bounce him for an hour. He's even sort of gotten a schedule down...this week at least...where he's been asleep in his bouncy chair right around 7 pm every night. This is a little early for us...a 7 pm bedtime, with a couple of night wakings, still makes for a very early rise - 5 am or so. A little early...but we've got a routine and getting him to sleep isn't the hour-long battle I truly thought might never change. We're not going to look a gift horse in the mouth and will be thankful for whatever progress we've made!!

Kenny and I are enjoying our time more with Jett now, which I think is because he's working on becoming a cute, regular little baby. He's not so fussy and we're starting to figure him out when he is. We feel so much more confident as parents now and that contributes a huge deal to how comfortable we are in just hanging out with Jett all day on the weekends. Until just this month, I sort of dreaded the weekend (crazy!) because it meant that we'd have to play steward to our son all day AND night long. Which seems like a rather obvious task for parents but...it would get pretty harried trying to keep him entertained and satisfied all day long, especially when he's so hard to get to nap...which has a direct and devastating effect on his disposition for the rest of the day...I think it helps that Jett's just older and enjoys a wider array of activities so there's more gadgets/toys in the house with which to keep him engaged and/or pacified.

And he's a doll. As he matures, I think he just gets cuter and cuter (I'm biased of course). And he's sooo happy most of the time - all smiles (especially for the ladies; Kenny calls him a flirt!) and he laughs and giggles now. I can't imagine how happy he'll be when he gets healthy - he's already pretty sweet when he's got a cold and feels crummy. Jett's also progressing right on time with his developmental milestones - he's reaching out and grabbing things, and is frequently trying to cram these things into his mouth. He rolls over onto his stomach the second you place him on his back, but he's not rolling the opposite way yet. He's also working on the position to crawl, but we'll see where that goes. He's drooling like the Hoover Dam broke - I keep waiting to see teeth but they have yet to emerge. We've been feeding him more rice cereal and he's had carrots and apples and will soon be sampling some mashed-up bananas. He's also been squealing a lot - a LOT - like he's trying out his vocal chords and likes the result. It's borderline shrieking, but still pretty cute. I love him so, so very much.

While things are going well on that front, I'm struggling a little with my body. I'm in the process of weening Jett, and I think I started off a little too aggressively because my milk supply dwindled, quickly, and I don't believe my brain was yet ready. Though I'm set on all other fronts to quit breastfeeding, there's a small portion of me that is truly sad to let this go. It's got to be the maternal hormones, holding out and wanting to provide for Jett. I don't know - I definitely didn't anticipate almost mourning my loss of lactation. So I'm slowing down the weening process to accommodate my mommy brain. With the breastfeeding cessation, I'm losing my swollen bosom (vanity, I know, but I will miss them...) and am wondering if I might start to gain a little weight now that I'm not burning an extra 500 calories a day. Though underweight at the moment, I'm feeling rather flabby and just unhealthy. My diet is decent enough at the moment, but I have zero muscle tone and it feels like it's been at least a century since I've had any intentional exercise. I'm sure this will all be remedied in time, but I just feel sort of blech right now.

So that was a long blog. I need to get in bed ASAP before my son's first waking...Cross my fingers for some long stretch of uninterrupted slumber!