30 weeks

30 weeks pregnant seems like it should be pretty significant. But there's nothing new to report. My belly still feels like there's a 20 lb brick inside, but my support band is en route (thank you Amazon). Heartburn is so frequent, it's now just routine to eat a stack of tums a day. Back pain and mobility weren't too much of an issue this past week. I'm feeling slightly short of breath when working out, but that may be because my lungs are being compressed by a baby body. I did feel the baby up at the base of my ribcage a few days ago - a first - and the pressure was a bit uncomfortable. I was acutely aware of the discomfort potential in a growing baby's search for more womb space...Kenny got to feel a "real" baby movement the other night. The baby's been super active lately and the movements are getting a lot stronger. As I was observing this in bed, I grabbed Kenny's hand and placed in on my stomach just in time for him to feel one of the more intense kicks. The intensity caught him off guard (his eyes got a bit wide) and I think he seemed half-impressed with the movement, and half appalled :)

I've had two pregnancy dreams these last two nights, which is a rarity for me outside of the first trimester. I'd been trying to recall my past dreams for the post today, and realized that, for all my labor-related dreams, I never actually saw or interacted with the baby. I asked, and my subconscious delivered. That very night (last night), I dreamt about our baby...who was rather small; comparable in size to the Pilsbury Doughboy. Here's the thing about my pregnancy dreams: they're amazingly consistent in exploring my pregnancy-related fears and doing so rather directly and unimaginatively. There's really never any symbolism - just a head-on assessment of my potential concerns. In last night's dream, I had a pint-sized baby because I'm worried the baby won't grow to be as big as he could be. Go figure. Also in the dream, I kept misplacing the baby; exploring a concern that I'll be a responsible parent. Ironic thing was that I kept misplacing the baby because he was such a good, quiet infant and I couldn't locate him. Maybe there's a little wishful thinking in my subconscious...

Sunday night's dream was about going through the whole birthing process, and not remembering anything. A female friend or relative was there, trying to jog my memory post-labor, and I could only vaguely recall bits and pieces about arrival and admittance to the hospital and really nothing else. I guess that fear is manifesting because I want very much to be an active participant in my labor plan and to have some control in what goes down and how. I was also aware in the dream that I'd gone into labor a few weeks early (baby was not in any danger), and that I'd left all of my projects at work unfinished and undocumented. This is a very real concern of mine, though perhaps not a legitimate one, but I'm anal retentive (see: baby registry) and would really, really like to have things in order before I go out on maternity leave.

Other vivid pregnancy dreams I had (in my first trimester):

My first dream involved my sister and I going in for my first ultrasound. In reality, I'd had yet to go to my very first OB appt and was extremely anxious to go and have my pregnancy confirmed. In the dream, I went in and when the nurse was performing the ultrasound on my stomach, she couldn't find anything. In fact, the ultrasound was so powerful, it went straight through my stomach, through the building, and down into the sewer lines beneath the street. She was picking up rats and drainage on the ultrasound imaging, but no embryo in my womb. And then at some point the nurse turned around and saw my sister and said, let's try you (maybe to see if the ultrasound machine was working properly...) and discovered almost instantly that, even though she appeared thin and healthy, was 37 weeks pregnant. The family was instantly excited for her (though Jess wasn't sure what to think with labor in 3 weeks being sprung on her at the last minute) and I was left feeling rather dejected. Another straightforward dream exposing my fear that I might not even be pregnant.

Another dream I had early on concerned my appearance. I've ranted plenty about not looking the pregnancy part...and apparently, that's coursing through my subconscious too. In the dream, Kenny and I were at some social gathering and someone commented to me, "So, when are you due?" after noticing my pregnancy bump. And Kenny, in auto-response (since we were in the first trimester and trying not to disseminate the pregnancy news until at least 12 weeks), replied, "Oh, she's not pregnant." And I was instantly furious with him that he'd stolen my spotlight because 1. we'd just hit the second trimester and could start telling people and 2. I wanted the attention and he'd just turned away a captive audience. Back in reality, Kenny didn't appreciate that I was having dreams where I was mad at him...

Then there was a dream that was extremely straightforward in addressing my fear. In the dream, I was in labor, in my kitchen oddly enough, and my sister was again there (Jess showed up in quite a few pregnancy dreams). Labor was super uncomplicated and I did it by myself - my subconscious apparently thinks it'll be a cakewalk. At the end of the labor, my sister commented not on her new nephew but on the fact that I'd defecated while birthing the child. I hear this is a common fear among pregnant folks and my subconscious got that one addressed early. And in my dream, I was slightly embarrassed but also highly irritated for being judged (another concern - being judged about my labor plan and how I perform) and tried to redirect the focus on the new life I'd just produced. Oh, dreams...

Strangely, I've not had any dreams dealing with the pain of labor (maybe my subconscious is not yet ready to explore that one...)

In other news, the nursery has been put together. Took my time constructing the furniture this weekend and rearranged everything four times (thank goodness the crib's on wheels) before finalizing the layout. Looks good, but now needs decoration. I'm extremely pleased overall and can't wait to actually use the stuff. For now, the door remains closed so that I don't try and rearrange the furniture again or dwell on the fact that it's not decorated and try to purchase half the registry gifts myself...And Kenny thinks I'm obsessive compulsive...